WHO SHOULD I MARRY?
The youngsters in the youth group of Christchurch were relaxing together in the lounge of their leader when the inevitable subject of marriage was brought up yet again.
“Do you think marriage is a good idea?” one girl asked.
“Oh yes,” came the leader’s immediate reply as he smiled at his wife, “that’s why God made men and women right at the beginning. They are to be complementary. God said ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ (Genesis 2 v. 18) So it was that God either figuratively or literally gave an anaesthetic to Adam, and took out one of the man’s ribs, closing the defect with ‘flesh’. From this rib he fashioned ‘woman’, which in Hebrew means ‘from man’. An ancient Jewish commentary explains some of this. The woman was made out of the side of Adam “Not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”
“So it was God’s plan that “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2 v. 24) In this way the cycle is perpetuated. Woman was made from man and in marriage they are permanently rejoined!”
“There can be no doubt that God’s overall plan was for people to be married. This is why he has caused roughly equal numbers of men and women to be around. In Proverbs 18 v. 22 God says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.”
“Is it all right to live together without being married?” one giggling girl then asked.
“No! God wants us to live in lifelong marriages. Once a couple are married they are permanently committed to each other. Today there are some who advocate trial marriages to see if the couple are ‘compatible’. They are however no test for the stability of a future marriage, in fact the opposite. It has been shown that those couples who are sexually experienced before marriage are more likely to end up divorced. God’s ideal recipe for us and society is, “Marriage should be honoured by all.” (Hebrews 13 v. 4) It is a wonderful institution, the backbone of society and God hates anything that breaks it down. For this reason, “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.””
This theme is constantly repeated throughout the Bible, - sex is only for marriage. Jesus often talked about the permanence of marriage. After marriage, “they are not two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19 v. 6)”
“Who can we marry?” another girl asked.
“Anyone you want to, but God’s Word insists on two main conditions. The partner must be of the opposite sex and they must be Christians. There are in fact two other stipulations in the Bible, you cannot marry someone already married, nor can you marry a close relative.”
“Don’t you have to be ‘in love?’” a youngster then asked.
“Many marriages throughout the world and in history have worked out far better that our marriages that often grow out of emotion and passion. They do however depend, for success on true love. Today so many people talk of love as an experience. God talks of it as a determination to do what is right and best for someone else, whatever the cost to me.”
“Can’t you have homosexual marriages then?”
“Not in God’s eyes. God’s word teaches that all homosexual activity is repugnant to him. These are strong words! Obviously He wants us to have close friends of the same sex, but these must never become sexual relationships.”
“God says, “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman, that is detestable.” (Leviticus 18 v. 22) To emphasise how detestable and sinful this was He demanded that this crime be punished by capital punishment. (Leviticus 20 v. 13)”
“The New Testament similarly teaches that homosexual activity is sinful in God’s eyes, and they are the only eyes that ultimately matter! “The body is not meant for sexual immorality.” (! Corinthians 6 v. 13) At the beginning of the book of Romans, God describes what happens when men have turned away from God, as is happening today. “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. . . . God gave them over to shameful lusts. . . . men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.” (Romans 1 v. 24, 26, 27) Do not let anyone, even so-called ‘Gay Clergymen”, try to tell you that God’s Word teaches anything different.”
“Why must we only marry Christians?” an attractive brunnette asked.
“For precisely the same reason. God has clearly taught us in the Bible that He only wants his people to marry others who are also committed to following His ways.”
“In Old Testament times He prohibited His people from marriages with tribes worshipping other gods. He did this because he knew that these relationships would deflect His people from their commitment to himself, which mattered more that anything else.”
“God said, “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.” (Deuteronomy 7 v. 3-4)”
“This reflects what God said to Moses when he made a covenant with him on Mount Sinai. He warned them there of the effect of close associations with those who serve other Gods. “And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same.” (Exodus 34 v. 16) “
“Paul recognised this same problem in the early Church, and wrote to those who were contemplating “being yoked to unbelievers.” A yoke was the wooden frame that farmers used to join two animals together but is used about any close association between two people, which obviously includes marriage.”
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness. What harmony is their between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever.” (2 Corinthians 6 v. 14-15) The commitment to God, the privilege of being His people, must effect all we do and especially the closest of our relationships. Our relationship with him will satisfy all our needs, and is our major priority. “Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing and I will receive you. I will be as a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6 v. 17-18)”
“One of the great problems of being a widow is loneliness. Won’t this directive of only marrying Christians be relaxed for this group? No! Paul emphasises, “If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” (! Corinthians 7 v. 39) ”
A great Christian teacher, F.B Meyer once wrote,
“We need not be surprised at these strong and repeated prohibitions. A mixed marriage is a prolific source of misery. In the course of a considerable pastoral experience, I have never known one to result in perfect happiness. Believers in such unions, do not level their unbelieving partners up to Christ, but are themselves dragged down to infinite misery and self reproach.””
“What about those Christians who are already married to not Christians?”
“The Bible is very clear that God views the sanctity of marriage so highly that when such a couple are married then the Christian is committed to make it succeed. They are to carry on living a godly life. Perhaps their lifestyle will draw their partner back to God, into becoming ‘obedient to God’s word.’ Peter summarised it thus, “Wives, in the same may be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” (1 Peter 3 v. 1-2) It would appear that even in those days women were particularly attracted to ‘the Way’. It is also striking that ‘constant rabbitting on’ and nagging is not a good way to attract people to Jesus!”
“Has everyone got to get married?”
“No. Paul recognised that there were considerable advantages in not being married. Married people have a lot more to bother them. “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs - how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world - how he can please his wife - and his interests are divided.” He then makes the same claim for unmarried girls. (! Corinthians 7 v. 32-35) Paul recognised that sexual drives will lead the majority of people to get married, and is not trying to be restrictive, but he longs that people may receive the benefit of living in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
“You make it sound like a lot of rules. Aren’t Christians “no longer under law?” a bright student asked.
“All societies, even schools must have simple rules to keep everything running smoothly. Those rules for Christians have not disappeared since Jesus has come. The penalties may have changed, some, such as the food laws have been modified, but the principles remain. God has not changed. It is as if we are living in a field, which has a fence around it. That fence stands for the rules that we must not break. We are free to life how we like within the freedom of the field, developing whatever interests and gifts we have, so long as we keep within the field. When the Bible says that we are “no longer under law,” it means we are not subject to the penalty that we deserve when we happen to fail and break the law. Jesus took that on himself on the cross. God still demands that his people live the way he has ordered. The interesting fact is that when anyone becomes a Christian, they begin to want to please God - that is one of the activities of the Holy Spirit. It is out of God’s love for us and our future in this life and the next that we are warned.”
“So it is for all God’s people, we may almost marry anyone we want to of the opposite sex - but only if they are true Christians, who really want to do what Christ teaches. But do remember that marriage is not the be all and end all, what is most important is to please God by obeying him in all we do.”
