The Priority of Marriage. Has God Changed?
The Importance of Marriage
''Marriage is a fine institution," said 1930s film star Mae West. "But I'm not ready for an institution."
Very clever, but who instituted marriage and is it important?
Now, according to figures just released by the Office for National Statistics, we're all falling out of love with marriage. In 1991, 2.7 million 25- to 35-year olds were unmarried. Today that figure is more than double that, at 5.8 million. This is associated with an increase in sexual promiscuity.
So how should churches react? Should they change their standards to appeal to a wider audience? Doesn’t God love all people and long that they should be members of his family? He certainly does, but his terms of admission, available to all people, is that they must willing to change, to repent, and then go on to live Christ’s way. When people turn to Christ they are all given the power of his Holy Spirit to enable every Christian to change. Without repentance there can be no salvation and no gift of the Holy Spirit.
What are the problems with the sexual liberation movement that the world is now facing?
The Dangers of Promiscuity
There are many reasons why sexual liberty without formalising permanent relationships is detrimental both to individuals and societies. In the United States, the average man by age of 44 has had about seven sexual partners and the average woman has had four. About 33 percent of men and 9 percent of women report having more than 10 sexual partners in their lifetime. About 29% of men and 9% of women reported to have had more than 15 sexual partners in their lifetimes. Having more partners than average is considered a health risk.
Mental Health Issues
The mental health problems associated with promiscuous individuals are seldom discussed but are highly significant. Those who have multiple sexual partners, a failure to use condoms and sexual activity at a young age are all factors. These include anxiety and depression, personality disorders, the use of drugs and other permanent illnesses. Family dysfunction and social stress, with their additional problems are also associated. One study has shown a linear increase in developing substance abuse with the number of sexual partners.
It does seem that there is a direct link between promiscuity and depression. A 2014 study that polled over three thousand single heterosexual college students found that those with low wellbeing scores and higher psychological distress were more likely to report a higher amount of casual sex. This low mood link didn’t change with gender.
Domestic violence is less common in marriages than where people co-habit.
Sexual promiscuity can be yet another form of addiction.
Venereal diseases
There are many medical problems associated with promiscuity. Infection rates for some Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs), including gonorrhoea and syphilis, have been rising for years particularly among adolescents. A major problem is the increased resistance to antibiotics that is being seen. Last year the rate of syphilis cases reached its highest since 1991. HIV infections, the cause of AIDS, are also on the rise, an increase of 16% from last year. An international outbreak of monkeypox has further highlighted the nation’s worsening problem, with diseases spread mostly through promiscuous sexual activity. David Harvey, executive director of the National Coalition of STD Directors, called the situation “out of control”.
Cancer of the Cervix has been associated with promiscuity. Nearly all cases of cancer of the cervix are caused by infection with Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) that is spread by promiscuous sexual activity. Nearly all unmarried people who are sexually active with different partners have been found to be infected with HPV within a few months or years. This virus passes easily between sexual partners. Over 90% of anal carcinomas are caused by HPV infections, and is particularly common among active male homosexuals.
Cancer of the oro-pharynx is becoming an increasing problem and is also associated with HPV infection. Oral HPV infections, caused by promiscuous deep kissing or oral sex, have been found in 7% of Americans aged 14 to 69 years old, though it is often unrecognised. At present only 1% of these will go on to develop oro-pharyngeal cancer. 70% of oro-pharyngeal cancers are associated with HPV infection. Other contributing factors are smoking and alcohol abuse.
Routine use of HPV vaccines have greatly reduced the incidence of HPV infections in young women.
Sexually transmitted diseases are associated with subsequent infertility, which often leads to feelings of depression.
The vast majority of people with AIDS, caused by HIV infections, have caught the disease venereally, and is particularly common among sexually active homosexuals. AIDS has killed over 20 million people in 20 years. This has had devastating effects on some communities, particularly in Africa. The World Health Organisation has reported that over 40 million people are currently infected with HIV/AIDS, 95% of these being in the developing world.
Hepatitis B can also be spread through promiscuous sexual intercourse.
Pregnancy
Pregnancy in adolescence is associated with promiscuity and has many social and other effects. An abortion carries its own problems of guilt and unworthiness. Education tends to be restricted. There are more birth complications in adolescents.
Divorce
Free involvement in premarital sex predicts future divorce and all the problems that brings highly significantly (p 0.001). Those men or women who have had nine or more premarital sexual partners have triple the average rate of divorce and those with one to eight partners have a 64% higher divorce rate. There is no gender difference.
Formal marriage does help keep parents together. The following graph shows the wide difference in separation rate between parents who co-habit and those who are married:
It is as if the Laws of Nature are telling us to keep sexual activity within the bounds of a marriage between one man and one woman. Nature cannot write laws so the question is, ‘Who did this?’
The Bible’s teaching
Has God changed his mind on the importance of marriage?
Genesis
Right at the beginning of the Bible, the family is introduced:
“. . . male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, fill the earth and subdue it.” Genesis 1:27-28
It was God who designed our DNA with the X and Y chromososmes that control our sexual destiny. These are present in cells throughout our bodies and they cannot be changed in spite of what some would like!
Submission of one group by another is introduced but here it is the husband and wife together who are subdue the living creatures around them. Sex is introduced in the concept of marriage between one man and one woman, one purpose being for them to have children. God’s directive about establishing new families is clear from the beginning,
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
Incidentally why are fathers and mothers talked about if the concept of parenting was unknown? There must have been other families around in the same way that there must have been death!
Moses
The Lord gave to Moses and his people specific instructions about sexual relations. He wanted his people to be very different in this regard from the people of Egypt and of Canaan. This is why Leviticus chapters 18 and 19 are so clear. No-one may have sexual relationships with any one in their family or with animals. and all homosexual acts are prohibited – the reason given is because of how God himself sees such acts:
“Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.” Leviticus 18:22
God saw promiscuous sexual activity as damaging to both individuals and society:
“Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled.” Leviticus 18:24
This concern is repeated later, with dire penalties. Rejection of God leads to eternal death. The Lord again said,
“If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” Leviticus 20:15
Even the appearance of homosexuality is repugnant to God:
“A woman must not wear a man’s clothing, not a man a woman’s clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.” Deuteronomy 22:5
Has the Lord ever changed what he thinks of promiscuity? There are many further stories in the Old Testament where abnormal sexual activity is denounced strongly. God sees it as deeply harmful to any relationship with him.
‘Song of Songs’
This book is about the romantic love experienced by a newly married couple; the word ‘bride’ being used six times. This love is all engrossing and is clearly a gift of God. Yet a warning, given by the bride, is repeated three times. She advises:
“Do not arouse and awaken love until it so desires.” Song of Songs 2:7, 3:5, 8:4
How different this advice is to that portrayed in much of the media today. Love is such a powerful force and thereforeindividuals should not let it take control until the right time. Self-control is a vital God-given virtue.
Doesn’t this all support the Bible’s message that sex is for marriage. Certainly this should be what Christians practice.
Jesus View on Marriage
Jesus confirmed that stable marriages were the will of God.:
“Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:4-6
In the Roman world of Jesus’ day marriage was a very unstable institution. William Barclay has written,
“There is no time in history when the marriage bond stood in greater peril of destruction than in the days when Christianity first came into this world. At that time the world was in danger of witnessing the almost total break-up of marriage and the collapse of the home.... Theoretically no nation ever had a higher ideal of marriage than the Jews had. The voice of God had said, ‘I hate divorce’”1
The prophet Malachi reminded his readers of this characteristic of God:
“’I hate divorce and I hate a man covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Malachi 2:16
Physical and emotional violence are very common factors in causing the irretrievable breakdown of a marriage. The other common cause of marriage breakdown is adultery which Jesus also addresses strongly. In the Sermon on the Mount he reminded his hearers that many marriages breakdown because of adultery, but he went further and emphasised that lustful looking constitutes adultery.
In the Old Testament divorce was permitted but Jesus made it clear that it was still not what God approved of,
"...anyone who divorces his wife, excpt for sexual immorality (Gk. porneia), causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery". Matthew 5:32
The exception clause, ‘except for’ uses the Greek word porneia which is a word used for any deviation from normal sexual relationships within a marriage between a man and a woman.. The KJV New Testament Greek Lexicon, KJV says porneia includes a variety of sexual "deviations" to include ‘illicit sexual intercourse, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals, etc., sexual intercourse with close relatives . . .” The wide meaning of the word allows such deviations as severe, persistent psychological or physical abuse as these are also sexual immoralities.
Apostles’ Views
It is the teaching of Jesus, his prophets and his apostles that the bishops and all ordained people have promised to uphold.
Paul’s concern
This high view of marriage is also taught by the apostle Paul:
“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
This consistency confirms that what God wants has never changed. He is adamant that his chosen people must obey his ways. By doing this others will see the great advantage of being godly and hopefully will turn back to him in repentance, asking to be given the status of being made righteous as a gift.
We have already seen that the Council of Jerusalem included a request than ‘porneia’ should never be a feature of Christians. Again and again this warning is repeated in the letters of the apostles. Paul wrote to the troubled church in Corinth,
“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom og God.. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
Christians who have been declared righteous through having a faith in Christ must turn from their old ways of living. They have been given the Holy Spirit to enable them to be become holy. Paul started this letter by making the same point – unfortunately this was one area they were especially weak on:
“To the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together with those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ – their Lord and ours.” 1 Corinthians 1:2
He keeps referring to the sexual immorality that was going on in that church:
“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you. . . “ 1 Corinthians 5:1
“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers not male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed . . . 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
“We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did (the Israelites in the wilderness) . . . 1 Corinthians 10:8
In his letter to the Ephesian Christians Paul emphasises the same point:
“So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed. You however have not come to know Christ in that way.” Ephesians 4:17-20
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Ephesians 5:3
When Paul wrote to the Colossian church he urged them to be singleminded in their commitment to Christ and this will mean changes in both sexual behaviour and in how they speak:
“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.” Colossians 3:5-7
It is clear that this was a problem in most churches for Paul included this warning to the church at Thessalonica:
“It is God’s will that you should be be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
When Augustine of Hippo was deciding about the direction of his life he happened to open the Bible at the following passage and this led him to turn to Christ for forgiveness:
“Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies or drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Romans 13:13-14
Peter’s concern
Peter made the same plea. It is not easy to be godly but Jesus, whose Spirit Christians have should make every effort to turn their backs on wordly temptations:
“Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.” 1 Peter 4:1-5
It would be possible to keep adding to this list of apostolic concerns but surely the point is clear. God will turn his back on a church that neglects to emphasise the importance of all christains taking on the mantle of their Saviour.
Jude’s concern
Jude’s short letter was originally meant to be an encouragement but this changed as:
“For certain men, whose condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you. They are godless men who change the grace of our God into a licence for immorality and deny Jesus christ our only sovereign and Lord.” Jude 3-4
He goes on to describe these leaders, who had had what thought to be a new word form God and claim that sin was not that important. He mentions the people of Sodom and Gomorrah who:
“ . . . gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire.” Jude 7
He then compares the false leaders to such people:
“In the same way, these dreamers pollute their own bodies, reject authority and slander celestial beings.” Jude 8
Such godless arrogance will have dire consequences both for these false leaders and their followers.
Some modern churches
When walking with my family and were surprised to see a major city church had an LGBT flag flying prominently. Is this what that church stands for now? Standards in society may change but has God changed? The Bible is clear that his character, what he likes and what he hates never changes. If the Lord makes a definitive statement about what he likes or dislikes in the Scriptures we should take note. Here are some of the Scriptures that confirm that God’s character never changes.
“I am the LORD, I do not change.” Malachi 3:6
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation or turning.” James 1:17
“He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man that he should change his mind.” 1 Samuel 15:29
“The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the thoughts of his heart to all generations.
Jahweh is the Christian’s God – his character never changes. The writer of the epistle to the Hebrews recognised this fact,
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange doctrines.” Hebrews 13:8-9
Jesus and his apostles recognised that what the Old Testament teaches about God’s character is fundamental. God’s people should always live in accord with the Lord’s wishes and these wishes do not change because his character does not change. So how can churches, that purport to follow the Word of God advocate practices that are foreign to Scripture?
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has admitted that there has been a rapid decline in church attendance in recent years. In 2013 the total average attendance for sunday services across the whole of the United Kingdom was 1,009,100. By 2019 the figure dropped to 854,000, which is a decline of over 15 per cent. In recent years this problem has even worsened.
The Global Anglican Futures Conference (GAFCON) is a global movement of Anglicans who claim to be standing together to retain and restore the Bible to the heart of the Anglican Communion. It describes its mission as: ”guarding the unchanging, transforming gospel of Jesus Christ and proclaiming him to the world”. With nine Archbishops who support its aims, GAFCON claims to represent the views of around 85 per cent of the world’s Anglicans. They recently met for the fourth time in Kigali, Rwanda. Out of the meeting came an agreement that this global group of Anglicans had no confidence in the leadership and central institutions of the Anglican Communion (AC) because they had departed from orthodox Biblical faith by failing to discipline those Anglican provinces that bless (or even celebrate) same-sex marriages.
“We have no confidence that the Archbishop of Canterbury nor the other Instruments of Communion led by him (the Lambeth Conference, the Anglican Consultative Council, and the Primates’ Meetings) are able to provide a godly way forward that will be acceptable to those who are committed to the truthfulness, clarity, sufficiency, and authority of Scripture. The Instruments of Communion have failed to maintain true communion based on the Word of God and shared faith in Christ…
Successive Archbishops of Canterbury have failed to guard the faith by inviting bishops to Lambeth who have embraced or promoted practices contrary to Scripture. This failure of church discipline has been compounded by the current Archbishop of Canterbury who has himself welcomed the provision of liturgical resources to bless these practices contrary to Scripture. This renders his leadership role in the Anglican Communion entirely indefensible.”
This is far from being just an Anglican issue. Within most main-line denominations there are groups and even churches that feel that how people express their sexuality is their own business and that the God of love welcomes any however they behave sexually. Superficially this sounds so loving but the serious problem is that it involves a rejection of the bible and the apostolic faith. It also suggests that God changes his mind over moral issues in response to public pressure.
Is it any surprise that God no longer blesses churches who have turned their back on what he has always said so clearly? Paul warns churches that if they reject God’s truth he will turn his back on his people and there will be the inevitable moral consequences. These consequences we are now seeing both in churches and in the world. The clear apostolic message is too seldom heard. To be saved, to belong to Christ must involve living his way. The following is a terrible inditement of the church and makes it clear why God is not blessing so many churches today.
18 “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.” Romans 1:18-28
The Bible is clear that even Gentiles know instinctively what is right and wrong:
“ . . . they show that the requirements of the law (God’s law) are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, . . .”“ Romans 2:15
The God who created this world does know what is best for us and has made this clear. Why do people wilfully turn their backs on him and his ways?
Sexual promiscuity in churches has always been an ongoing problem. In 1513 Pope Julius II died. He had achieved much, in material terms, for Rome. It was he who had the old St. Peter’s pulled down so he could build a much more impressive edifice. He was a powerful, arrogant, promiscuous and deceitful man constantly embroiled in warfare. Shortly after his death a pamphlet, ‘Julius Excluded from Heaven’, that was probably written by the great scholar Erasmus, was widely circulated and became very popular. It satirically describes what happens when a drunken Julius arrived at the gates of heaven and tries to open the gate with the key of his secret money chest. He is surrounded by the soldiers who have died in his military campaigns, whom he had promised would be admitted to heaven, whatever they had done on earth. Peter refused him admission. Julius responds by threatening Peter with Bulls of Excommunication! Julius is described as the enemy of Christ, as a Julius Caesar returned from hell, and is accused of many vices which included drunkenness, pederasty, adultery and an obsession with money. He is contrasted with Jesus who, it claimed, is the true head of the church. The story finishes with Julius threatening to muster an army to capture heaven!
The Bible clearly teaches,
“For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no-one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.” Ephesians 5:5–6
In recent years there have been innumerable stories of senior clergymen being actively involved in promiscuous relations with men, women and children. Clearly their cloth will not save them.
God does not change. He created us to live in stable marriages between one man and one woman and surely this is what the church must continue to promote. Promiscuity in all its forms (Greek porneia) is not what God wants people to indulge in. He wants his people to exercise self-control. Then the world around will see the marked advantage there is in living God’s way and hopefully turn back to him in repentance to be saved for eternity.
The Choice
This means that those who are followers of Christ have hard choices to make. The world is putting immense pressure on us to turn our backs on Godly living. Decisions are needed and these issues must be discussed in churches. Should we help reduce these problems in young people who are experiencing strong sexual pressures to discuss earlier marriages? In many societies this has been the norm, with obvious benefits.
The apostle Peter set out the battle lines:
“Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given to you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy.’” 1 Peter 1:13-16
At a church house-party for young people, the speaker mentioned the need for people to learn to say ‘No – because I am a Christian’ when tempted sexually. After the talk a teenage girl went up to talk with the speaker. She had a boyfriend and they were sleeping together.
“I don’t think you understand what modern life is like today,” she exclaimed, and then proceeded to explain how she and many of her friends were behaving.
The speaker asked her if she was a Christian and she told him that she had been confirmed as one. He then took a piece of paper and wrote two words in large letters on it,
NO and LORD
He went on to explain that a Christian’s life is now under the authority of their Saviour and Lord and that God has made it perfectly clear how wants all his people to behave. If we say ‘No’ to him, then he is no longer our ‘Lord’. He then asked her to go away and pray about this issue and then cross out one of the words. If she wants to continue living as she is then cross out the word LORD but if she is a Christian she should cross out her saying ‘No’ to her Lord.
She went off and pondered deeply. It was a tough decision. She cried and crossed out one of the words. She then returned to see the speaker, with a smile on her face,
“I’ve decided. Jesus really is my Lord. I crossed out the ‘No’!”
BVP
June 2023
1Barclay, William. The Gospel of Matthew. Westminster John Knox Press, Rev Upd edition (December 1, 2001).
